Police monitor activity as protestors demonstrate outside a Center City Starbucks on April 15, 2018, in Philadelphia.Photo: Mark Makela (Getty Images)
Remember that white girl who called the cops on those two black guys?
No, not the one from Yale. Sarah Braasch called the cops on one black guy for trying to study and one black woman for sleeping. That was totally different.
No, not the Waffle House lady or the one from the cookout or …
You know what? Perhaps I should have been more specific.
It turns out that Holly Hylton, the Starbucks manager who is also a finalist for the whitest name of all time, might also be the person behind a curious uptick in 911 calls from the same Philadelphia Starbucks location where two black men were kicked out for making Hylton uncomfortable by existing. Hylton “mutually” agreed to end her employment after she called the cops on the two men.
According to the Philadelphia Tribune, in all of 2016, emergency operators received 11 calls from that particular Starbucks franchise. But that would soon change when the coffee retailer hired a new employee in early 2017.
After Hylton became an employee at the location, the Starbucks made 41 emergency calls in 2017 and has made another 17 so far this year. (It looks like Hylton really increased her production numbers.)
Aside from the occasional racist rant by some extra-sensitive white person going through caffeine withdrawals, have you ever seen anyone acting disorderly in a Starbucks? What does that even mean? Did Hylton spell someone’s name wrong and call the po-po when a customer informed her that her name was “Megyn” and definitely not “Megan”? Other than those at readings of Emily Dickinson poems and the waiting rooms at sperm banks, I feel like Starbucks’ crowds are the most orderly in the world.
In all of 2016, before Hylton joined the World Class Wretching Crew, emergency personnel received only two calls for disorderly crowds from that location. After Hylton’s arrival in 2017, 28 of Starbucks’ 41 calls that year were for disorderly crowds. Even more incredibly, of all 67 emergency calls placed from that Starbucks, only one other arrest has ever been made.
Although Uniform Crime Reports does not indicate who made the 911 calls, the increase in emergency calls from