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Whitest Cookout Ever: Woman Suspected of Killing Lover, Serving His Remains at Barbecue

Kelly Cochran (left) and Christopher Regan (right) Image: Lake County Sherrif’s Dept,/Discovery ID

Authorities believe the reason they can’t find the remains of one of the victims of an Indiana woman serving time for 2 murders is that she may have served his remains to her neighbors at a neighborhood barbecue.

That’s why I don’t eat chicken nuggets. The menu always says they are made from white meat, but they never say which part. I stick to wings. I’ll be damn if I go to a white person’s cookout and eat some grilled Gregory.

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Also, I don’t go to white people’s cookouts.

Anyway, this all started when Kelly and Jason Cochran sealed their marriage by promising that if they ever had an affair, they would kill whomever they cheated with. “I thought it was a joke,” Kelly said in her trial, according to the Post-Tribune. Obviously, it wasn’t.

When the couple entered an abusive patch in their marriage, Kelly began having sex with other men. When her husband found out, he reminded Kelly of their pact. So Kelly lured one of her lovers, a co-worker named Christopher Regan, to their home in Michigan for sex.

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That’s where 37-year-old Jason entered the room and shot Regan. Then Kelly got the cord for the electric chainsaw so they could cut up Regan’s body, put it in garbage bags and dispose of it.

Things would soon turn sad for Kelly when her “soul mate” husband died of a heart attack. No one thought anything of it, especially because police were consumed with this missing Christopher Regan dude. Soon, the detectives zeroed in on Cochran, and found her guilty of murder, sentencing her to life in prison.

That’s when police also noticed inconsistencies in Cochran’s story about her husband’s death. He supposedly died of heart attack, but it seemed very fishy. Kelly eventually confessed to injecting her husband with heroin and then smothering him to death in their Hobart, Mich. home. Cochran said she was pretty upset after she and Jason dismembered Regan’s body and buried it in the woods.

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Well … most of it.

It turns out that Kelly was very thrifty. Instead of letting all that good, fresh meat go to waste, investigators discovered that Kelly allegedly served parts

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